The Kafkaesque Hilarity of Filing a Lawsuit Against Trump
So, Trump/Deck’s attorneys on Friday, (moments before court closed), sent me a 9-page document explaining why they hadn’t gotten my legal document/ claim outlining the assault upon yours truly by Trump’s security guy Eddie Jon Deck Jr. What makes the story especially beguiling is that the incident took place at a non-Trump event, called “No Labels Problem Solvers.” I had raised my hand during a Q&A to ask whether Trump was aware of me getting roughed up at a previous event in Rochester. Space maggots, I say. Well… the law firm of Cleveland, Waters and Bass, (the firm in question), essentially used my document as “proof” that I had never sent them what I had sent them. If you can figure out the logic behind this one, then let me congratulate you in advance on your award-winning design for the gravity-propulsion engine you will one day design. Presumably you will use it to dump this nonsense in a black hole where it belongs. But, I digress.
I replied in my best legal gibberish that since Mr. tRump & Mr. Deck had retained the services of Cleveland, Waters and Bass, that the defendants, (Trump, Deck and the Campaign), had in fact received my legal document, (the complaint), and that by law they are an authorized agent who can receive legal documents on behalf of Mr. trUmp & Mr. Deck.
Here’s the thing. No, that’s not a thing.
I gave you the thing. No, the thing is no thing.
Oh — and the original Judge recused himself on Wednesday.
What’s funny and a little sad is that I had just spoken to one of the attorneys on the phone Friday, as to whether they would be representing NH State Rep/ Trump NH Co-Chair Fred Doucette. Attorney Gould explained that they were planning to throw Mr. Doucette under the bus — of course, not in those words — but someone here has to read between the lines. When we talked, Attorney Gould acknowledged that he had read my documents, and gave no indicator that he believed what I had written to be written in disappearing ink.
So, I called. I emailed. I sent the paperwork again. I have extensive documentation showing how the Manchester Police and other City officials gave me the run-around. I’ve hired private detectives and process servers up-and-down the eastern sea-board to make sure these things got delivered — and at considerable expense to myself. Now Trump and friends effectively claim they have disappearing ink. If only I could get my hands on the magical cephalopod which creates such ink — I could simply make all of this go away — and Kermit the Frog and Fozzy Bear would be co-Presidents, as the Founding Fathers would have wanted it.
Finally Trump & Deck’s attorneys got back to me and said they would consider accepting my claim. To this, I wrote them an even longer response. They claimed that sending things to Trump Tower was a no-no, because Trump lives at the White House. If the rumors are true, this is a place for wizards, and the basement is full of terracotta WWE-Trump gargoyles which come to life when subpoenas, summonses or legal documents come within fifty feet of the place. Of course, these are just rumors, and I have no way to prove this. At any rate, I’m pretty sure truMp also has residences at Trump Tower and Mar a Lago and all over the universe. I’m also guessing the majority of his time is spent at McDonald’s. So, once again — I call shenanigans.
To add to the fun, the attorneys had sent me a link with a telephone number to the White House, so I called it. Knowing full-well the sheer and utter ridiculousness of doing so, I had a brief human-interaction, and was quickly shuffled into the robotic answering system. A recorded voice directed me to a digital place on the White House website where I could send a message to Donald or his third wife. The recording specified that Don and Mel likely wouldn’t get around to reading these emails for several weeks. So, I wrote to the attorneys to state the obvious — that this was a fool’s errand. It is my opinion that the refusal of Cleveland, Waters and Bass to accept my documents is an attempt to waste the time of everyone involved, including the court, and the other defendants like Fred Doucette — who apparently Mr. Trump feels no loyalty to whatsoever. This is just opinion. But based upon all the gushing that the Douce does over Mr. Trump, I hope that they work it out, and move far away to leave the rest of us in peace.
Part of our ridiculous and nonsensical exchange today was this statement made by Attorney Mortensen from the trUMp law team: “you can imagine it is very difficult to reach the President.” For the millionth time — The reason these attorneys reached out to me in the first place is because my legal document HAD REACHED MR. TRUMP!!!
Mr. Webber, we received your papers, but your papers don’t exist.
I can’t decide whether this is more like the nonsense poetry of Jabberwocky, Kafka, or 1984. Double-plus good.
Wish me luck!!
UPDATE: March 19th, I sent out a new set of process servers, and shortly thereafter, Cleveland, Waters and Bass informed me that Trump, Deck and the Campaign had all agreed to accept the damn paperwork, so we could move forward.